我的单身秘密其实也没有什么，我就是天赋异禀。
My single secret is nothing. Im just gifted.
不要问我为什么单身，我是神仙，和凡人谈恋爱是触犯天条的。
Don ask me why Im single. Im an immortal. Its against the rules to fall in love with mortals.
自从我妈知道单身狗这个词后，她已经忘了我叫什么名字了。
Since my mom learned the word single dog, she has forgotten my name.
单身太苦了，去店里吃碗酸辣粉不小心弄到眼睛里，也不敢去洗，怕服务员收盘，只能流着泪吃完。
Its too hard to be single. When I go to the store to eat a bowl of hot and sour noodles, I don dare to wash it. Im afraid the waiter will close and I can only finish it in tears.
你们总说谈恋爱费钱，可像我这种单身狗，仍然每天都觉得，自己很穷。
You always say it costs money to fall in love, but single dogs like me still feel very poor every day.
单身的女孩不要着急，也许上帝的心里想法是，我要给这个的女孩留个特别的人。
Single girl don worry, maybe Gods mind is, I want to leave a special person for this girl.
原来大家恋爱都是不公开的，我还以为都跟我一样单身呢。
It turns out that everyones love affairs are not open. I thought they were all single just like me.
刚撞到头失忆了，请问一下我男朋友是哪位？我不会没有吧。
I just hit my head and lost my memory. Who is my boyfriend? I don think so.
世间本没有光棍，只是物价涨得多了，也就有了光棍。
There is no Bachelor in the world, but with the increase of prices, there will be bachelor.
上帝是公平的，让你过了光棍节，就不会让你过情人节。
God is fair, let you have a bachelors day, will not let you have Valentines day.
单身久了，今天坐公交车有个妹子靠在我的肩膀睡着了，那一刻，我连我们未来孩子的名字都想好了。
Ive been single for a long time. Today, a girl on the bus fell asleep on my shoulder. At that moment, I even thought about the name of our future child.
单身的典型标志就是：一个月流量套餐早没了，通话套餐还剩一大半。
The typical sign of being single is that the one month traffic package is gone, and there are more than half of the call packages left.
不要老是否定自己，你特别优秀，特别厉害，特别有能耐，尤其是在单身，发胖，脱发，花钱方面。
Don always deny yourself, you are excellent, powerful and capable, especially in single, fat, hair loss and spending money.
以后再有人说你没毅力，你就告诉他“谁说我没毅力，老子单身十几年。”
In the future, if someone says you don have perseverance, you can tell him, "who says I don have perseverance? Ive been single for more than ten years."
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