1、人生有太多的事情需要时间告诉你答案，就好像你一开始只是胖点，之后就变成了一个胖子。
There are so many things in life that need time to tell you the answer, as if you were just fat at first, and then you became a fat man.
2、平时说你也就算了，你还非要逼我打你，你是不是不知道什么才是文武双全。
I usually say you don mind. You have to force me to beat you. Don you know what is the combination of culture and martial arts.
3、有的时候觉得自己变丑了，但拿出身份证一看，瞬间好多了。
Sometimes I feel ugly, but I take out my ID card and its much better in an instant.
4、长大后才发现的道理，小时候真不该跟父母吵架，吵不赢挨骂，吵赢了屁股开花。
After growing up, I found out that when I was a child, I really shouldn quarrel with my parents. If I quarrel, I will be scolded. If I quarrel, I will win and my ass will blossom.
5、我这个人没啥优点，就是看人比较准，凡是我看上的女孩，最后都成了别人的贤妻良母。
I have no merit as a person, but I am more accurate in looking at people. All the girls I look up to have become good wives and good mothers of others.
6、每次看到失恋的人那么痛苦，我就很庆幸自己长得丑，这个丑它时刻保护着我。
Every time I see the pain of lovelorn people, Im glad Im ugly. This ugly thing always protects me.
7、有的女孩子真的太厉害了，也没学过医，就聊了几句话，之后就确诊你有病，还让我去医院看看，我才不上当，一定是医院请来的托。
Some girls are really too strong and have not studied medicine, so they chat for a few words, and then they confirm that you are ill, and let me go to the hospital to have a look. I am not deceived. It must be the trust invited by the hospital.
8、没心没肺，活得不累。只是你的胃，真的好累。
No heart, no lung, no tiredness. Its just your stomach. Its really tired.
9、想当年，我也是一颗情种，后来雨下得太大，就把我淹死了。
In those days, I was also a love. Later, it rained so hard that I drowned.
10、以前上学的时候，有个同学趴在桌子上，老师问他怎么了，同学说：“肚子疼。”老师反口一句，那你捂着头干嘛。
When I was at school, there was a classmate lying on the table. The teacher asked him what happened. The classmate said, "I have a stomachache." What are you doing with your head.
11、下半年的愿望是：人瘦点，钱包鼓点。老天爷拜托了，千万别给我弄错了，上半年你就给我整反了。
In the second half of , the wish is: thin people, bulging wallets. God, please, don get me wrong. In the first half of the year, you reversed it.
12、有人总是觉得自己很丑，于是我默默的打开美颜相机送到了他的面前，然后他对我笑了。
Some people always think that they are ugly, so I silently opened the beauty camera and sent it to him, and then he smiled at me.
13、科目三考了一次又一次，今天又没过，教练终于不耐烦地冲我喊：“你是不是怕考过了买不起车啊？”我竟无言以对。
Subject three test again and again, today did not pass, the coach finally impatiently shouted at me: "are you afraid of the test can not afford to buy a car?" I was speechless.
14、我曾和一个人擦肩而过，擦出了火花，然后各自拿起来了砖头。
I used to brush past a person, make a spark, and then each picked up a brick.
