最近几天，天天下雨，我就想问问，太阳你打算旷工到什么时候？
In recent days, its raining every day. I want to ask the sun when are you going to come to work?
父母都说，早恋会荒废学业，我太对不起我爸妈了，连那些早恋的都考不过。
My parents say that puppy love will ruin my studies. Im so sorry for my parents, I didn do as well as those who were early in love.
知道中国最好的跳水搭档是谁吗？婆婆和媳妇，因为他们总是同时掉进水里。
Do you know who is the best diving partner in China? They are mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, because they always fall into the water at the same time.
刚刚跟朋友玩游戏，不小心抓到了她的手，她突然停下来，然后打开了手机搜索：“被单身狗抓了需要打狂犬疫苗吗？”
I just played a game with my friend and accidentally caught her hand. She suddenly stopped, then turned on the mobile search: "if I was caught by a single, do I need to be vaccinated?
每次抓到吸血的蚊子，我会对它进行思想教育，告诉它以后再也不能这样干了，最后再一巴掌给他拍死。
Every time I catch a mosquito sucking blood, I will give it ideological education, I told him not to do it in the future, and finally slapped him to death.
终于知道吃奥利奥为什么要先“舔一舔”了，因为那样就没人会跟你抢了。
I finally know why I need to lick Oreo first, Because that way, no one will rob it.
别的女孩性格好、长相好、脾气好，我不同，我胃口好。
Other girls have good character, good looks and good temper. I am different. I have a good appetite.
每次拿快递的感觉就像跟失散多年的亲骨肉重逢，但常常拆开之后，发现孩子长得像隔壁老王。
Every time I take express delivery, its like a reunion with a child who has been separated for many years, but after opening it, You will find that the child looks like the Mr.Wang next door.
不要问我借钱，大家都是同样的年纪，你没钱我就会有吗?
Don borrow money from me. Everyones the same age. If you don have money, I will have it?
图源来自网络，侵权立删，谢谢！
